Joys of Parenting (or, I Want a Spear of Destiny)

So, last night we went to see Constantine. I have never read the Hellblazer comic series; if I had, I'm sure I would have hated the movie. As it was, however, only having seen advertisements for the movie in Sandman comic books (please Hollywood, never make a Sandman movie!!), I got a huge kick out of it. Deathly pallid and thoroughly miserable Keanu Reeves fights demons, pisses off angels, and reluctantly aids the lovely Rachel Weiss in her quest to solve the mystery of her sister's death. Yes, Keanu remains one of the most monotone actors on the planet, but in this situation if you squint you can pretend he's just playing the role of the disaffected demon-slayer.

The movie involves an artifact called the Spear of Destiny, and begins with the claim "He who holds the Spear of Destiny controls the fate of the world" or something along those lines. Apparently the spear is what pierced Christ's side on the cross, and Hitler was obsessed with finding it, and so on. It's that sort of artifact. I think I want one.

Constantine is a violent, scary movie. There are nasty demon possessions, violent exorcisms, people's faces melting off, graphic wrist-slashing images, grotesque shape shifting, death-by-having-flies-pour-out-of-one's-mouth-nose-and-eyes . . . oh, and a man forcibly drowns a woman. On top of all the usual flamethrowers, guns, and bloody, vicious fist fights. But, hey, that didn't stop the people two rows up from us from bringing their little kids to the movie. The children looked to be about 7 and 5 years old. The younger one spent the movie in her mom's lap, hiding her face, and at some point she dozed off. I saw the father reassuring the older one a few times. There was no crying, or anything, but for God's sake!! Who takes their little children to a movie like that??? Sure, these kids have probably been inoculated by having watched violent television since birth, but still. It took effort on my part not to walk up and comment. Not that it would have done any good.

If only I'd had my Spear of Destiny . . .